Chatting with Moussa Ibrahim – FAQ

Hier mal was quasi historisches aus dem Libyen-Krieg 2011.
Moussa Ibrahim, auch Gaddafis Papagei genannt, war sein Sprecher, der in etwa das gleich Image genoss, wie der berühmt-berüchtigte Sprecher Saddam Husseins, der noch vor der Presse vom Sieg faselte, als hinter ihm im Fenster schon die amerikanischen Panzer zu sehen waren.

Mit diesen Radio Eriwan nachempfundenen Frage-und-Antwort Sketchen hab ich ab und an die Libyer unterhalten. Selbstverständlich waren sie alle auf damals gerade aktuelle Verlautbarungen und Ereignisse gemünzt.

Vielleicht macht es ja auch im Nachhinein noch Spaß – ein kleiner Einblick in die lustige Seite des “Cyber War”, die es auch gab, geben musste, um durchzuhalten.

Moussa Ibrahim

Dear brethren,

this is the official connection bureau of brother Moussa Ibrahim to Libyan Youth Movement.

Millions of people are with us. Also in internet. But as you may have noticed as well, the internet connections in Libya are therefore sometimes a bit overstrained.
So we ask you to find out in our FAQ whether your question to brother Moussa Ibrahim may not already be answered before trying to reach his chat.
This will disburden Libyan internet and show the crusaders that we are very well able to solve our communication problems with the Libyan people in a familar and peaceful way.

FAQ

Question: Is it true that rebel insurgency is nearing its end?
Answer: Principally yes, but our government will be quicker.

Question: Is it true that Saif-ul-Arab Gaddhafi has been killed by a Nato-airstrike and buried officially?
Answer: principally yes, but according to credible sources he recovered.

Question: Is it true that the international forces only intervened in Libya to steal the Libyan peoples oil?
Answer: principally yes, but we have more experience with that.

Question: Is it true, that Libyan oil minister Ghanem defected and will work as Libyan delegate to OPEC for TNC?
Answer: principally no, but we are quite confident he will continue his work and help his people to move out of this difficult time.

Question: Is it true, that government will withdraw all the troops from the Libyan cities, as soon as the rebels do the same?
Answer: Principally yes, but of course we have to examine then zenga zenga, dar dar, whether there is really nobody else anymore who doesn’t love our brother leader.

Question: Is it true, that Aisha al-Gaddafi tried to flee Libya already some weeks ago?
Answer: principally no, but as a former goodwill ambassador to United Nations Development Program she has the duty to inspect whether the states follow UN sanctions on Libya properly.

Question: Is it true that a strong earthquake was registered at Libyan coast on 19th May in the depth of 30 km?
Answer: Sorry, but we cannot answer any question about actual residence of brother leader.

Question: Is it true that the seat of your government is now in the underground of Tripolis?
Answer: Principally yes, but we are still working on displacing it to Djerba.

Question: Is it true, that Mu’ammar el-Gaddafi can hide in the Libyan peoples hearts?
Answer: principally yes, or did you ever find him in your hart?

Question: Is it true, that the NATO bombing of warships in Libyan ports cause a humanitarian crisis?
Answer: principally yes. Now John, let me explain: look, such a rocket, hitting our warship, causes a huge crater in the sea. Now a supply ship, you know, John, how hard it is to stop a ship, will not be able to brake at time and – directly fall into the crater. You can imagine, John, no enterprise will risk that, and if, the insurance will reach astronomical height.
But we don’t save costs and efforts for the welfare of the Libyan people, John. Tomorrow we will organize a bus tour to that place and you will see, we fixed and filled everything, nearly nothing to be seen anymore. So please do tell the world, our ports are safe, there is not the smallest hole in the sea.

(Puh, that was hard work! I need a nescafé now.)

Question: Is it true that for Libyan prime minister knows „that there is a red line that they can not go beyond“?
Answer: principally yes. Let me explain, John. Libya is a family enterprise. The prime minister doesn’t belong to its corporate management and never got the full power of attorney. And nowhere in international business there is an employee who does not have to respect the corporate managements red lines.

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